When Buddies Collide The New Ring
by Guardian Dry Black
Summary: New pals, new trouble! Hunter, Jackal, Grunt, and Elite (Covenant Comrades) was sent to Earth to take out Master Chief & Cortana. Like my previous WBC works, expect bullshit like no other. Rated Ma as usual and of course, view at your own risk.


Welcome to a desert of nowhere; the only way out is by following this black asphalt line into the sandy mist and believing nothing will ever happen to you. Well in the gusty mist, there's this small tan house that adapted well in this dust bowl. Our four brand new sheltered buddies are in for a crazy incoming.

The minor ranked Grunt and Jackal, two determined warriors, are competing to win for glory on Halo 4 Xbox Live.

"Yea!" barks Jackal after sniping a player.

"Gay!" yells Grunt after his player's ass was blown off. "I know dis man didn't stick my ass!"

After re spawning, his player's head takes in a golden bullet.

Slamming his controller while stomping up: "YOOOO! JACK YOU SEE DIS BULL?!"

"Yea bah I see'ta," still sniping his opponents; making some quit the game commenting: "What the fuck fag?!" "Laggy ass sniper!"

"Nigga we got some fuckin' hackers on dis bitch! I mean the golden bullet. Who the fuck modifies a damn bullet?!"

"Ash'em." His player gets jumped on by the whole lot three seconds later. "YOU CERIOUS?! You cerious?!"

"Nigga please. Them got damn pissed on colored coins can instantly kill all it touches!...WHAT THE FUCK! They jumped yo ass like Gayimy Guy!"

"LOSE THE GAME LIKE A MAN!" Encourages the voice of Elite; whose rank was minor too. Unlike other Elites who will perish a Flood on first sight, this one has friends that acts and looks like a Flood.

Outside the Xbox playhouse lies the Elite, the Hunter who likes to guard entrances and his loyal comrades, and the four forms of the Flood.(Zombie Elite and Human, the lack body blob Carrier and the small spider/squid-like Infection)

The built Hunter puts his life on guarding the wild party house with the Carrier constantly bugging him.

"Can you take a break?"

"No."

"Nobodies here to take lives."

"No."

"Come on dude have va seat."

"No."

"Bra! Yo legs can't handle all this standing and lifting metal!"

"I'm fine. All head and no body, find a hole and pretend it's a pussy that wants your clotted up ass head."

"You really wanna roast on one's feelings?!"

"Dick shove off!"

"Ho-ho-ho-ho," interferes Elite waving a hand in calm down motion. "Now we don't want no roast brawls. You know them dumb bells like to get their ass kicked because they attend in fights that don't involve 'em and when it do, they piss themselves and run to their momma."

"I HEARD DAT NIGGA!"

"You ain't gonna bust a move!"

"BUS MOVIE!"

"AHH, HA HA! OH SHIT!..Bra that Jackal bra, you should've finish developing yo language cause yo ass is funny!"  
"Yeah I see." adds Elite Flood ludicrously. The Human form hits the sand laughing.

Rushing to the door: "BUS N' MOVE NIGGLE!"

The trio laughs even harder.

Trying to dupe pass Hunter: "BUS N' MOVE! BUS N' MOVE!" he lividly repeats himself.  
"No angry lee no."

"Let the man kick ass!" demands Carrier and Grunt

"FIND THE PUSSY AND PLAY YO XBOX! Chillax bra c'mon."

"DAM BUS!...–" reluctantly giving up and going back in the house – "BUS DAMMIT!"

Grunt glares at Jackal. Then unexpectedly: "Well let me bust his ass!" Charging at the door with a nail polisher; his attempt for venting rage fails as he was scoop up by his partner. He hurls the pink glass potion at the door; which breaks and spills on Hunter's armor.

"Lookin' like a Venus fly trap! Mouth need work nigga!"

"Least I don't have to look like them damn toxic marine with a damn oxygen tank on my ass."

"You mother-fucker! Dis mother-fuckin' asshole is runnin' his mother-fuckin' mouth! If I don't git out dis mother-fucker and wroop his mother-fuckin' ass, yo mother-fuckin' feet, mother-fuckin' arms, mother-fuckin' turkey neck, and other mother-fuckin' organs will never leave this mother-fuckin' desert! Mother-fucker!

"Nigga you and what army?"

After the insult echos away, a bomb out of nowhere launches at the house; burns it too shreds and remodels it to conquering flames! Everyone within the radius launches off into the mist. Marines, Master Chief, and Major Johnson all arose from the mist scanning the area for surviving Covenant.

"We got them bastards Chief!" Exclaims Johnson victoriously.

"Oorah!" yells a victorious Marine.

"I think the coordinates were correct," doubts Cortana.

"Cortana, I heard the Covenant."

"I know but, I don't think aliens can contain such humane events; drama. it might be –"

"Covenant woman!" Interpolates the irritated major. "I fought these alien bastards way back when George Washington drafted me to fight the fuckin' British! Yes, we fought them bastards way back there, way before yall's time. I know a ghetto jack-ass when I hear one!"

"Understood, but –"

"But?! Woman if you wanna prove me wrong, bring me official documents of you in Yorktown! Or you in Lexington or Concord!"

An angry Sargent adds in: "Or you crossing across that cold ass Delaware River in a miniscule boat full of soldiers!"

"Damn straight," remarks a leatherneck Marine.

"Man that was one miserable journey!"

"Dead-ass Marines!" shouts the mad major.

"Okay. *sighs* Sorry if I triggered history to rain rage upon me."

"Uuh, wow," says Master Chief. "We wasn't expecting all of that like, chill on down."

"All I'm sayin' is, where's the documents."

Grunt and Jackal crawls out the burning flame coughing their hearts out, barely surviving the blow.

A nearest Marine turn towards the dying coughs and sees them: "COVENANT!" He instantly points his death rifle at them; everyone else, even Chief, follows.

"Wait!" yells Cortana. "They won't last out here."

"W-what the fuck man?" asks the fatally wounded Grunt at his blurry perception of dirty Marines.

"Bus, bus movie...fock, ers!" This was Jackal's last words; his conscious sinks in the sand.

"Girl whoever programmed you must be just as brainless as you. Aliens can adapt to any and everything like fuckin' reptiles!"

"Cold blooded demons Mrs. Purple!"

"Okay Sargent, I can take so much of your shit!"

Master Chief puts his hands up at him: "No, No NO! Cortana you will not leave my helmet just to sink his nuts off!"

"Oh, this lady like to blowjob with bright bolts huh? Well I got yo anilingus right here! Every techno bullet will go up your techno ass!"

"Heh. That's if your 'BB' gun can squirt some. Who brings a fragile water gun into a dogfight huh?!"

"Chief I'm sorry –" aiming at Chief's head –"But this bitch trashed her life by assaulting a Sargent major."

"No, drop this madness. Are we serious?! DROP IT!"

Elite and his gang recovered from their misfires and hid in the mist observing everything.

"That's him," says Hunter; pointing at Chief.

"I'm surprise I didn't explode!" says Carrier; appealed about blowing up without a moments notice.

"Yeah, let's kill this cur!" yells the determined warrior; the spider-squid and it's guardians stops him.

"No. Hell no." It says shaking it's head.

"That's our fuckin' target!"

"Yea I know but he got drug dealing security. Look at them people!"

Elite and Hunter glares at every Marine; which calculates to be ninety-nine plus their target Chief.

"They're nothin'," assures Hunter. He repeats his attempt to go after his pray but fails to shove pass the Flood, again.

"Nigga them Marines are not to be taken to the sun! They know how to kick ass, without the Chief; especially that black one."

The two disbelieving assassins let out long drawn-out "man," tiresome groans and "this is some bull yo!"

"Yea I know ya couz. Y'all wanna go and git yo man but leave this mist without a plan, well, the Gravemind will take real good care of you."

"You said if we die, you will leave our bodies to decay by nature!"

This outburst from the mist summons bullets to rush in and turn off the loud radio. Everyone swiftly dodges out their paths.

"I think that did it right there," assures a Marine.

"It's real silent so...yeah," agrees the other.

"Don't, yell, again," request Elite Flood authoritatively.

Checking out his bent metal defensive plates: "Wroo I'm glad this can take in shit 'cause I would've been done fo'."

"No! No one's gonna kill my man!," assures Carrier; leaning on him.

"Gay!" He barks backing up from it; making it fall.

"It's a woman," says Human Flood.

"OHHH! DAMN!"

More bullets rushes in for them and they once again, they evade death's tricks.

"Man fuck this!" Major Johnson had enough of shooting at nothing. "Marines! Go in there and flush them matarted jack-asses!"

"Yes sir!"

"OORAH!"

They all go in there yaping out battle cries and sound in relation; Civil War two just came into play.

"Well Chief, go in there and end them fuckers." Chief refuse to move. "If you please."

"Cortana, what the fuck."

"What? No! That, –" she wanted to say "that" word but couldn't – "that, n word rat started it!"

"That's not you. Throwing out nasty assaults like 'get yo dick out the icehole' or 'hmm, well if man contain milk, us women will never experience aids.' That's not professional; that's straight nasty.

"Well Chief, you ain't perfect neither. Thinking about booty and pussy every second; 'whatever got a hole, the Covenant will go.' Remember that?"

"Now hold up!"

"I slept with you! You forgot to inject me out of your helmet! I can easily enter in your fantasy land and observe content that's inappropriate for children. Hell you even fucked me a couple of times!"

He became silent and said nothing.

"Yeah, gawk happy."

Meanwhile in the misty battlefield, Marines died off greatly. The floods sliced and ate through a great number of them. The Carrier sacrificed herself and took out ten of them. Hunter and Elite was having trouble taking out the major. The three of them dropped their weapons and used their fighting combat skills to prevail victorious. Hunter Took a boot in the face and a suplux; lights out for him.

"Damn," says Elite; succumbing to despair.

"Un-huh yeah! Years and years of killing you bastards can teach you some combat knowledge."

Elite goes for a punch, just as the sarge predicted, nabs his arm and twists it up his back. He lets out a weeping roar.

"Yeah scream mother-fucker scream!"

"NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOO!..."

Johnson mimics him: "NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!..."

"What was that?" inquires Cortana

"That's our leader."

This squawking answer shocks both Cortana and Chief. Both Grunt and Jackal, now recovered from a long fade off reality and now, they are ready to extract revenge.

"You were dead," says Chief palled in shock.

"CHIEF!" Barks Jackal viciously.

Chief pulls the chip out his helmet and tosses it at the ground; Cortana reveals herself.

"How did you –"

After checking out this purple chick and growing wide eyes: "DAAAAMN!"

"...Oh dear."

They Pop their shoulders up and down mimicking the "Bankhead Bounce." Then in a singing harmonious tone: "Got grass! Got grass! Got grass! Got grass!" The Grunt goes on.

Jackal on the other hand takes his own musical path becoming off beat, rhythm, and medley; taking the lyric "grass" to a whole new level. "GRAAAAAAAAASSS! GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAASS!"

This musical performance distracts Johnson: "The fuck?!"

Noticing the weakness in grip, Elite wrests free and bash his head in with a hammer punch.

"Ow damn." He didn't expect that to happen.

Moving around in his fighting style like a dancing maniac: "Nigga Popeye just his spinach! You dome fo' nigga! Got yo mother-fuckin' ass! Popeye got his spinach in his body!"

"Nigga I'm still the Hulk!"

"Dumb crack head, Hulk can't even break a twig!"

"YES HE CAN!" Assures the determined, proclaimed victor charging in to make the prophecy come true.

A fist blows his face up, a knee rearranges his internal organs, and a rush of swift missiles rips every bone bones to shreds; the quietus move was no other than mimicking the famous "The Rock Bottom" special. This ends the Sargent's hope of defending the world; he's now traveling the vast universe.

Elite goes ape crazy around his defeated creation: "YEAAAAAAAH! TOLD YOU! TOLD YOUR DUMB ASS! POPEYE CAN BEAT ALL NIGGA! POPEYE MOTHER-FUCKER!" He holds his nuts and goes crazy once more: "GROW SOME OF THIS! PLANT THIS MOTHER-FUCKER! YEA! WHAT!? CAN'T DO SHIT NIGGA!"

"Damn these soldiers keep coming!" shouts a Flood. "Go take out your target! We got this!"

"Y'all sure?"

"Nigga yes!"

"They multiply like roaches now."  
"These nuts! GIT, YO MAN NO HOMO!"

On the other hand the freak nicks are still doing their thing...

"Lucky day! Lucky day! Lucky day! Lucky day!..."  
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!*reclaiming breath* DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

"Anytime now Chief."

Chief had his phone out recording their absurdness concert.

"CHIEF!"

"Yeah I hear ya! Watch this shit get a lot of views and interesting comments."

"Don't trust them online social websites."

"This is for laughing purposes."

"Humph. A ridicule."

"Exactly. 'And,' to prove aliens existed."

"I think the world knows about the Covenant Chief."

"Not all sweetie. Not all."

She sighs and turns at the freak show, folding her arms during the process.

What he didn't expect is a big heavy stick to go upside his head.

She didn't know he was nailed out cold until the phone rolled and tapped her foot. Turning around results her in slumber island too.

"Git 'im!" forces out the alien assassin throwing the stick behind him.

"Yea boy!" yells Grunt like a gangsta.

"Bus camera on them!" Commands Jackal.

The Floods and Hunter, who was now covered with Infectors from Carrier, came out the dust with a glorious slow-motion walk among them.

"Got them niggas bra!" says the Original Flood.

"By boo smite them soldiers!" exclaims one of the Carrier's Infectors excitedly.

"Yea I did," he says blushing.

"Look at him blushin'."

"Oh he's so cute!"

"Them gals bra," sighs the Human Flood.

"Won we!" Barks the humping jack.

"Yes we did bra."

"Toll ass! Female got!"

Grunt points at Cortana's private destiny:"Yea look at dat!" He begins making hand motions to aid Mr. Explaination in detail. "Nice and round! Tempt a man to touch, massage, or go up in dat bitch bra!"

"Yeah that is a little nice," says the horny master while reaching out for the cash.

A Phantom appears at a wrong time preventing horny horns to collect purple glitter and scoops up both Chief and Cortana.

"Wroo," says Tartarus, who's operating the purple beast. "The Profits will be pleased. Come on, let's leave this false planet of salvation."

Everybody except the Flood flies up with the ship's gravitational lift.

"Did this man just say 'profits?' It's Prophets!"

"Correct me one more time shrimp!"

"I ain't scared of your fat ass!"

"Damn! Almost had some ass!"

"Don't worry bra, me and Jack got our DNA all over dat ho!

"Maximum strength!"

The Floods receives mirth from Jackal's words: "Oh shit! Yo I miss him already HAAAA-HA-HA!"  
"Bra this man is funny dead ass! PAAAAAAAAAAAAH-HA!"

"BABY! WRITE ME!"

"I GOT YOU GIRL!"

"WRITE TO ALL OF US!"

"I GOT ALL YA!"

"Holy shit! Hunter like this Flood," exclaims Elite in utter shock.

"She's my boo!" He forces these words at him.

"No trouble bra no trouble," holding a defending position towards him.

The Phantom adsorbs the successors and launches off into the millionth century.


End file.
